PUSSIESThis man is sitting in a bar and notices two lovely women across the way. He calls the bartender over and says, “I’d like to buy those two ladies a drink.”The bartender replies, “It won’t do you any good.”
The man, with a confused look on his face says, “It doesn”t matter, I want to buy those women a drink.”
The bartender delivers the drinks to the ladies and the ladies acknowledge the drink with a nod of their heads. About a half-hour later, the man approaches the women and says, “I’d like to buy you two another drink.”
The women both reply, “It won’t do you any good.”
The man says, “I don’t understand. What do you mean it won’t do me any good?”
The first lady says, “We’re lesbians.”
The man replies, “Lesbians? What are lesbians?”
The second woman replies, “Lesbians… We like to lick pussies.”
The man says, “Bartender, three beers for us lesbians.”
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, “Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?”“None,” replied Johnny, “cause the rest would fly away.”“Well, the answer is four,” said the teacher, “but I like the way you’re thinking.”
Little Johnny says, “I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?”
“Well,” said the teacher nervously, “I guess the one sucking the cone.”
“No,” said Little Johnny, “the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you’re thinking.”
| Alcoholic NunSister Mary Katherine lived in a convent, a block away from Jack’s liquor store. One day, in walked Sister Mary Katherine and she said, “Oh Jack, give me a pint o’ the brandy.” “Sister Mary Katherine, ” exclaimed Jack, “I could never do that! I’ve never sold alcohol to a nun in my life!”“Oh Jack, ” she responded, “it’s only for the Mother Superior.” Her voice dropped. “It helps her constipation, you know.”So, Jack sold her the brandy. Later that night Jack closed the store and walked home. As he passed the convent, who should he see but Sister Mary Katherine; and she was snookered. She was singing and dancing, whirling around and flapping her arms like a bird, right there on the sidewalk. A crowd was gathering, so Jack pushed through and exclaimed, “Sister Mary Katherine! For shame! You told me this was for the Mother Superior’s constipation!” Sister Mary Katherine didn’t miss a beat as she replied: “And so it is, me lad, so it is. When she sees me, she’s going to shit!” |
Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sunk to the bottom & 
